so yeah, i found in article in the sun times online saying that there's some kind of contract dispute between b96 and eddie and jobo and that kiss 103.5 might pick them up. i don't care what station they're on, just as long as they're on. b96 is way dumb..they treat them like total shit...so i hope those 2 leave the station. i'm sure they'll find greener pastures somewhere else...

1 more week down of work. we do get a nice break tomorrow, as long as we finish a lot of stuff tonight and sunday. i just have to finish up a couple more things today and then i can go home. i can't wait to watch my soaps and see the finale of felicity. and SLEEP. i miss sleeping...and working out. ooo, i can't wait to work out tomorrow morning...i can't believe i'm actually excited about working out...maybe i can work out sunday too...

work really isn't that bad, if it weren't for the work. the godsend on this project are the people..thank god for them, or else it really would be unbearable. they're funny and i can make fun of them and they can make fun of me, and that makes the days go by much, much easier...

i can't believe tomorrow is already june 1st. oh my god, it's already june. where has the time gone? i remember where i was last year...where will i be next year? at the same job? doing the same thing? will i get better projects? will i have the guts to leave and do something that i really want to do?

ok, i better get back to work so that i can leave. work again on sunday and then a very full week next week. good times, good times. have a good weekend!

3rd Time's a Charm?...

...no, i don't think so..so i tried yet again to win tickets on the radio...they wanted caller 12....and i was...caller #4. how can i keep getting through on the phone lines and still not win anything? does this happen a lot to other radio listeners? maybe i'll be lucky and i'll be able to eventually win something.

did anyone hear anything about eddie and jobo's sudden disappearance from the radio waves? if you do, lemme know..

tomorrow we find out what kind of mortgage will fit...

and can i say that it is damn hot up in here?? shit...are we in the philippines or what??

just got the new m&m song from one of my friends..i don't know if i like m&m that much, but i do find this new song, 'without me', entertaining. have you ever listened to the words? it's a funny story. so full of himself. but it's not the annoying full of himself. it's the funny kind. his flow is off the hook..

going in to apply for the mortgage today. then i have to come back to work. how annoying. i hope we get the mortgage. i hope we get this condo. i hope everything works out.

so i found out i'm extended until june 28th, with the possiblity until sept 1. i don't want to be a traitor, but i'm trying to see if there is another project for me to get on. i know i should be thankful, and i am. but if there are other opportunites for me, i am defo gonna check it out.

can't limit myself to what's given to me....

nothing too interesting to say today. sorry to bore you.

not a red letter day yet...

1. got stuck in 1 1/2 hours of traffice this morning. you'd think the traffic would die down by 830AM, but for some reason today, it didn't. so i was totally late for work. but i've made up for it. haven't taken any breaks this morning yet (except for 1 bathroom break), and i've work straight from 930AM - 145PM (well, ok, so i needed about 10-15 minutes in there to cream cheese my bagel and reboot my computer after ms word crashed)

2. tried yet again to win tickets to the bbash...roxanne wanted called 30...and what was i? .... caller 29. figures...maybe 3rd times a charm? i'll just keep trying..

the day has gone by fast and i'm wide awake...wierd. but finally i'm getting used to what i'm doing now. maybe it's because stuff on this dealer site work now and i can clearly tpr stuff or pass stuff...

i'm listening to miss saigon right now. still my favorite musical ever. actually helps me work well.

beauty comment: plucking eyebrows is frickin tiring. my arm always gets tired after about 7 minutes.

got a deadline (kinda)....just wanted to take a little breaky break.

1 hell week down. 2 more (at the very least) plus 2 weekends to go. not so bad, not so bad...

just have to make sure my expenses run through....that mint chocolate chip ice cream was damn good last night!


have a good weekend everyone.

18 hour day yesterday.

ok, so i didn't really mean what i wrote before. i do care about what my friend's think. sometimes, though, after not talking to some of them for a long time, you want them to be interested in you. but then that fails. so i guess i'm just being selfish. whatever.

i'm tired and i think i might be here all night so we won't have to work over memorial day weekend.*blech*

ever feel like you're talking to 1 of your friends and you realize that sometimes you just really don't care what they're saying? to you, they're being selfish, when in reality, you might be the one being selfish?

and then you just want to be done with it. fuck it all. cause in the end who the hell cares?


maybe i'm just being negative right now because this fucking site isn't working and i can't work...but i do have a lotta stuff to do today.

but sometimes it just pisses me off....was i forgotten? does it not matter anymore whats going on with me? and why am i always talking about mememe?

maybe i just need to not write here anymore if i'm in this bad of a mood.

good-bye.

sometimes it just pisses me off...

stayed at work until 1130PM.

got home at 1215AM

woke up at 5AM

worked out until 7AM

got ready for work until 8PM

got to work at 845AM

that's about it. for the next month, this will probably be the cycle. except that i probably won't get up EVERY day to work out. but the goal is 3 days a week. if not, then at the very least 2 days. i did it today. so i should be able to wake up at least 2 times a week at 5AM. *sigh*yawn*sigh*

and hopefully we won't have to work this long holiday weekend. *groan*

have a good weekend everyone! i miss spilling my guts to y'all.

"Nightmares and dreams only stay alive if you feed it" - 'A Beautiful Mind'

i guess no one every really thinks about this until it is actually said. but in reality is very true. so either you can keep dreaming about what you want to do, and complain that you'll never get there (because of circumstances, etc)...or just live with what you do have and be happy with the decisions you make. just go forward with what you decide and don't waste time wondering 'what if?'....or else you'll never ever be happy. easier said than done. but it's something that i think everyone struggles with but may not come to this conclusion. sometimes, you just have to give up wishing and be happy with the hand you're dealt. those of us who are dreamers out there sometimes need a reality check...wake up and don't be afraid to make mistakes and do what you want to do.

lala weekend was a blast. having just us girls was a nice change. and seeing cj and how she lives her life right now was nice too. i know she misses all of us at home, but i think it's good for her to get out on her own and just be. the weather was awesome (a little cold, but at least it wasn't steamin), and we may have been cramped a little, but it's all good. i felt bad, though, because i knew that she had to study and we had an evening flight yesterday..hopefully she did ok on her exam today...

tokyo delve's on saturday night was so much fun. one of the best had dinners in a long while. but it wasn't just the dinner...the screaming, dancing, booty shaking on the chairs, saki bombs, etc...the waiters who were dancing like the village people...and the almost retired mom who was shaking her booty like she was 18...so much fun...and the food wasn't too bad either...and it was tacky as hell with all the xmas lights and extra stuff hanging from the ceilings, but it fit the mood and ambiance perfectly... afterwards we went to the highlands..this club in the center of hollywood..on the corner of hollywood and highland, right next to the kodak theater. i have to say i loved the music, since it was so danceable. and the bartenders were pretty cute. and very nice. i read reports that the bartenders are mean or something, but i don't remember that at all...i don't have a lot of experience with the la nightlife, but i have to say, i really liked this one.

so let me rewind back to that friday...we waited just about 2 1/2 hours to get into the taping of 'the other half'! but it was pretty cool, seeing how they tape talk shows...a lot of it is staged, but i guess that's how everything is on tv....oh well...that's what they mean when they say you can't believe everything you see on tv...ali landry was there too, watching her bf, mario lopez, so that was pretty cool. it was the last taping of this 1st season of the other half..oh yeah, and shemar more was there too! woohoo! what a hottie! that was a defo bonus....mmmmmhmmm.....break me off a piece of that!

anyways, the weekend was fabulous and it just reminds me of how much i love lala. it may be busy and have too much traffic to deal with, but i love it. absolutely love it. maybe i can move out there one day, if circumstances permit...

oh boy..there goes those damn dreams again...

i forgot to mention that i got my haircut yesterday. very theraputic. now i understand why some women love talking to their stylist. j is awesome to talk to and listen to, since she kinda has the same personality as me. she told me whats up with her and i told her whats up with me. almost like we're friends now. and she also gave me her cell, whenever i need to come in to get a touchup done. awesome i tell you. she totally makes herself available whenever her good clients need her. i guess it helps that i tip not too badly. especially when she can fit me in. anyways, you need a good stylist? i'll hook you up. just tell her that i sent you.

a comment was made about the haircut this morning. very nice to hear. maybe it was just something to say....but sweet nontheless. just a little something to boost the good ol ego. hahaha. little things go a long way with me, buckaroo.

clarity. i think, no i know, that that is what i'm looking for. and maybe i shouldn't rely on the hope that maybe one day i will just know for sure..either way..just know. so i can move on with my life.

is it just the talent to ignore the pessimistic part that makes her able to go on and be happy and smile at little things and think that she really is happy? will she regret this decision later on down the road when that pessimistic part has the possiblity of coming out? or will all of that fade and in the end, it won't matter? like that linkin park song....in the end it doesn't really matter.

ok, we just got reamed out by our team lead. 1 of many, i believe.

so to get back to the previous thinking...when will that decision finally be made? right now, if this thing is really going to happen. just go with it, and everything else will fall into place, right? hopefully. the main thing is: no regrets. just be happy with the decisions that are made now, and live with the consequences. so that's where it's at now. i started this 1st half yesterday, and finished it today. that's the decision, and it just has to be remembered.

so the big lala weekend starts tonight. i am very excited to have a little semi-reunion (minus 1) with the roomies. i wish we could all be together. but that will come in time. the taping of the other half should be tons o fun. i hope we get on and i hope girl says something. haha. then we can tell all our friends that we were on tv. can't wait to see some of my coworkers. haven't seen them in a while. should be a crazy weekend.

dawsons update: is it just me, or is the writing getting very choppy? the writing and the direction of it all? it seems to be losing it's drama-esque feel to it. i think i'm getting more and more disappointed in this 2nd half of the season. if anyone out there in internet land agrees with me, email me. there's a link on the left side of this page. i mean, it was nice that dawson and joey admitted they loved each other, but just the shifting of the scenes and the choppiness of the character's actions doesn't flow properly for me. they used to be verbose in their explanation of why all the characters did what they did. but now, it seems the writers want the viewers to just infer and assume. and you know what happens when you assume. it makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. it seems that the writers have forgotten what it is that makes the faithful dawson viewers keep coming back for more. they used to be known as the overly, wordy teenagers who overanalyzed almost every little thing. and now there seems to be any explanation for their actions...no rhyme or reason. and that does not make me want to come back for more next season....eh, but you know i will.

i guess in that last paragraph, i have become one of those overanalytical teenagers.

anyways...i really want to go the bbash this year. can you believe i haven't missed one of those since 1996? i think that was the 1st year i went. and this year's lineup is off the hook...so hopefully something will work out where i can get better seats than what's out there right now. but we'll see. maybe i can actually win tickets! haha, that would be funny.

anyways, i guess i should try to work now. my mind is just mush right now, since i'm hella tired. have a good weekend everyone! i'll let ya know how the weekend goes.

#41 - dave matthews band

Come and see
I swear by now I'm playing time
I against my troubles
I'm coming slow but speeding
Do you wish a dance and while I'm
in the front
the play on time is won
but the difficulty is coming here

I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I wont tell you to stay
But I'm coming to much more
Me
All at once the ghosts come back
Reeling in you now
What if they came down crushing
Remember when I used to play for
all of the loneliness that nobody
notice now
I'm begging slow I'm coming here
Only waiting I wanted to stay
I wanted to play
I wanted to love you

I'm only this far
And only tomorrow leads my way

I'm coming waltzing back and moving into your head
Please, I wouldn't pass this by
I would take any more than
What sort of man goes by
I will bring water
Why wont you ever be glad
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
why wont you run
in the rain and play
let the tears splash all over you

the next month will be filled with days of LONGass hours...maybe that will be good. and i actually feel like i'm doing something worthwhile. and who knows if i'll actually be promoted this year. i wouldn't be surprised if i'm not.

i think i'm running out of steam already...and it's only day 2. oh lordy lordy...i think i might need help on this one. i need some other kind of motivation...maybe that will just be fear of my team lead. the managers on this thing aren't that great. they might be just ok. but i'm kinda scared of one of them...although i try really hard not to show it. the worst thing i can do is show fear.

the big lala weekend is coming up...i can't wait...i hear it's gonna be hot out there, so that's not too great, but warm weather will be very much welcome. we have some plans right now...go see a taping of 'the other half' (what a joke - but at least i'll be in the same room with someone who knows zach morris!), sushi at tokyo delve in hollywood on saturday night, and just sober up on sunday...that's the plan..who knows if it'll go that way, though...whenever i plan to get toasted, i don't...so i probably won't.

i can't believe i drank 2 1/2 liters of water yesterday.

why is it that some people feel like they need a lot of attention? why is that even important? it shouldn't really matter if everyone you know pays attention to you, but why do some people feel the inherent need to keep everyone's attention at all hours of the day?? just a thought.

the season finales are showing most of this week. good tv time, people!. i heard that spin city and dharma and greg (is that how you spell her name?) are not getting renewed. that's too bad for them. there are a lot of quality show out there and a lot of not so good ones. but it's nice to have a choice. maybe i can be a show critic. i would defo vote for all the teeny bopper hits with the hotties. i guess i would be too biased. but hey, it'd only be my opinion. maybe i can start my 'it's only my opinion' column. i guess that's what this site does.

i know i'm not saying anything important right now. just rambling. ramblerambleramble. there's not much to say when you're pulling 10-12 hour days, i guess. i don't want to bitch too much about work, for fear that my 1 reader will get sick of it and then i'll have zero readers!...besides i bitch enough about it on IM to him...harharhar.

ok, enjoy this sunny chi-town tuesday. when i have something more interesting to say, i'll come back...

i think that i realized this weekend that when i'm actually in a moment that i've been anticipating for a while, i hardly ever feel the feelings that i thought i'd feel at that moment...instead, i'll feel those feelings weeks, months, and maybe years afterwards...know what i mean? like when you're in college, and you think that you'll be all sad at graduation time, because you're leaving your home of the last 4 years...you'll miss having your friends around 24/7 and being able to see tham any time you want, at all hours of the day and night...just chillin with people and doing anything at a minutes notice..that quasi-freedom you feel...but when i graduated 2 years ago (yes, it boggles my mind that it was 2 years ago), i was so ready to leave college. to move on to the next phase in my life. to finally be done with college. hardly any tears were shed. there was just excitement to actually go out into the real world. and i knew i would keep in touch with my real friends anyways. but this weekend...i was like re-living saying goodbye to college. maybe it was the fact that i really was saying goodbye and would probably not be back down there for a long time - maybe that's why it was so sad. i hardly have a connection to any people left down there. so in a sense, i was saying goodbye to college again...and sitting through another cba graduation made me think of the hopes that people have as they graduate. and hearing all the cheering families as their sons/daughters walked across the stage made me proud of them too. because in retrospect, college really is a big accomplishment. at the time, it's easy to forget how big an accomplishment it is...but when you look back on it, it changes your life forever. and when you leave college, you're a fresh face to the real world. and it will probably only take 1 or 2 years for you to become as cynical as i know life to be now. but you just have to keep remembering that you can really do anything. anything in the world. as long as you work hard, and don't let your mind lose track of what you want in life. and hopefully what you want, doesn't hurt anyone else...and maybe if you're lucky, when you leave college, you already know what your passion in life is.

...phew!...now that i got that out of my system...yes, it really was sad knowing that i won't be in that apt again...end of an era, really...and i really do miss those college days...it's probably because, i still see myself as a college student...man, how time flies.

saw spiderman tonight. i think that if tobey and kirsten were not playing their parts, i wouldn't have liked the movie. there's something so charismatic about tobey. such a cute nerd. very cute. and kirsten was actually pretty. the special effects were pretty dope...and i'm assuming by the ending that they're going to have a spiderman 2? haven't read anything about it yet, though. but i did enjoy the movie a lot. a lot. a lot.

so i think this week starts the hell month. hopefully it won't be longer. wish me luck...

here's something to make you chuckle as you head into the weekend:

* One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: "If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts." * || courtesy of marcel ||

and here's a shoutout to my poopie ==> happy birthday!
and a shoutout to his sister ==> happy graduation!

have a good weekend you chuckleheads!

i was at the gas station this morning..saw a girl with an obvious caffine problem. she went into the store and bought a huge cup of coffee and a can of red bull. she parked all crazy, blocking off an aisle at the gas station which pissed off this other guy...i assumed she was about to take a final or something because she was dressed all nast (is that a word?) and her hair was up like she was studying all night....memories...those were the days..that i'm glad i'm out of...but hearing about one of my friends going back to school and becoming a teacher, and now she's coaching track and cheerleading as well as teaching english/speech...sounds so exciting. and actually worthwhile instead of sitting at a desk all day. well, as my fav saying goes: c'est la vie. i already know this business thing will not work out for the rest of my life. it's all good. i've already accepted that fact.

just had a kick off meeting for system test which should start monday - but will probably be delayed. the meeting was interesting, to say the least. you can really tell how people really think, the way they react to each other...and can i just say that it really annoys me when men feel the need to put their arms on their head with they elbows sticking out and sit back in their chair. it is just not comfortable to be staring at a person in that position, when you're trying to have a meeting. but enough about work...i'm sure i'll have tons to complain about next week.

ER last night was so sad..my only question: where were carol hathaway and doug ross? mark green was carol's lamaze coach and doug's best friend....i wonder why they didn't show up for the funeral. very depressing scene. tears were flowing, and that's all i'll say about that...

anyways, i've been trying like crazy to win some b96 tickets, since my close call 2 days ago..no luck yet...that's probably the closest i'll ever get to winning tickets...oh well...

k, gotta get back to work..finally getting a car wash today...my car is filthy! very embarrassing.

have a good weekend everyone!

shit. i can't believe blogger had the nerve to do that! i had written a totally nice blog, and pressed that nifty 'post and publish' button and then up came an error! and my entire blog was gone! bastards..some of it was good too...so now i think i'm going to have to write the blog somewhere else first, so i'll have a copy of it, in case the site disappoints me...so that last blog went something like this...:

i had a dream last night that i was going to london with 2 faceless friends...only i kept forgetting things at home so i had to keep driving back..and i ended up missing my plane..anyone know what that means? i also had another dream that i was sitting at my cube and working on this matrix thing and it was taking me forever, and i was never going to finish it..anyone else know what that means? i hope neither of these dreams come true...scary...

i just found out today that one of my friends who left my company and moved back out to buffalo, found a job today...and it's an awesome opportunity...he's gonna be the project manager for this huge SAP implementation which spans both europe and the US. and he's gonna be the US rep, so he gets to travel a ton...i'm so happy for him! especially finding a brand new job in this market?? props to him...

oh yeah, and since there is only 1 person who reads this, congrats to you too! i knew you'd get the promotion! you may be a lucky bastard, but you're a smart lucky bastard! WOOHOOOOO! so proud of you..totally worked your way up the ladder...and to think your nickname in college was lushy!..if that got out now...would you ever be respected again? oh, wait, your coworkers already know that about you...harharhar...props to you too!

anyone watch felicity last night? i thought this time machine story line was totally wrong...but these episodes are hilarious! keri russell is actually a really good actress...i guess i never noticed it before..but she played a crazy felicity to the T....very impressive...

it's anthony edwards final episode tonight on ER..be sure to watch! it's an end of an era...

happy thursday everyone!

i was driving into work this morning...ran my errands..getting annoyed because of the frickin traffic...and eddie and jobo say they want the 27th caller to call in to win b-bash tickets...so, just trying my luck since i never win anything anyways, i call in...call in again...call in again...call in again...only this time it actually starts ringing...and ringing..and ringing...so by this time, i'm thinking, i shouldn't hang up, because if it keeps ringing and that annoying "all circuits are busy" doesn't come up, then this must be good news, right??! ..... no. not this time, my dear...luck was no where to be found on the other end of the phone...they wanted caller 27, and i was...25.

c'est la vie.

but that was pretty exciting for me, since i usually get the "all circuits are busy" message...so then i was thinking...i think they taped me and i might be on the radio...so i'm listening..and finally they play the tape of eddie and jobo answering calls...and the first one they answer? caller #25...now i know my voice is annoying..but on the radio, it was DOUBLY annoying..why didn't anyone tell me i have one damn ugly voice?! it's like a whiny thing...like an old lady whiny voice...ugh....guess i can't go into the radio business..eh, can't have it all!

c'est la vie.

i added another blog over to the left...'me.no.likey'...click on it...speaks for itself...

couldn't sleep last night...condo anxiety...major, condo anxiety...counteroffered yesterday, and we'll see how it turns out today...but we're not playing hardball, so this shouldn't be too bad..it's not like we know what we're talking about, right? i think we're easy purchasers...who knows if we're getting screwed over....shit. he kinda agreed yesterday with our counteroffer and said he'd talk to his lawyer about it and draw up the papers today...double shit....what if we're not getting a fair price? what if the place isn't worth that much?? why is he being so agreeable? shitshitshit...but i'm pretty sure it'll all work out...if not, then it wasn't meant to be right? i just hope everything works out..hope for the best, expect the worst....

this project should be interesting....i've only heard bad stories about the pm...i met her last year, but i guess the word on the street is that she's hard to work with...typical. yelling matches, condescending tones, you name it, it's probably happened on this project...oh well..hopefully my roll off date WILL be mid june.

anyone know how to negotiate?? any tips?? that's the phase we're in right now with this condo business...i have to do all the negotiating, and sometimes i feel like i don't even know what people are talking about when they're talking to me....the morgage lender, lawyer, the sellers...ugh...but i guess it's all a learning experience in getting what you want...just have to learn to fight for it...

i've realized that i really don't like something: people who don't know how to drive. they are the cause of traffic jams, gaper delays, being late to work, being all late about getting into the city...etc, etc, etc...if everyone would remember the rule of thumb: if you drive slow, stay in the right lane! i would try to think of something that rhymes, but i'm at work, so i gotta write this fast...if you think of one, lemme know... this.is.mememe

i also get annoyed at people who don't know directions. i'm not necessarily talkin about finding their way to a place they've never been before, but just basic directions... but now that i think about it, why the fuck do i care? it doesn't really affect me in any way, except that i'm in the car with them..maybe i was just pmsing..

ever have those food craving kicks? where you haven't eaten something in so long and when you do start eating it again, you have to have at least 1 a day..hell, even 3 a day?? mmmm, oreos...haven't had those in years, and when i went grocery shopping || first time in a long while||, i just happened to pick up a bag, since it was on sale and all..who am i to refuse a sale?? well, i ate so many in the first 2 days, i thought i totally reversed all that working out i've done for the past couple months...well, this week is the same..went back to good ol dominicks and there they were again...calling out 'hey myra! come buy me and eat me!!!! i'm yummy..." yakyakyak...they are damn good though...eating one as i type...and they make y'all feel like a kid again...trying to perfectly break it apart...eat one cho-co-lat side and then licking the cream off the other....and dunking it in milk...how many ways can you eat an oreo?...hmmm...eat it whole...break it apart, lick the inside, put the 2 cho-co-lat cookies together and eating it whole...eating the cream, and putting it back together and back in the cookie jar..so eventually, you'll just have a plethora of cho-co-lat cookies in a big ol jar...anyone else besides me do that when they were 8? hmmm...if that's a no, you're defo lying...

i think my eyes are about to go blind...staring at these word and excel documents...can't be good for my eyes...

amc update: can't wait for maria to come back! nothing against brooke, but she's been a stupid mom...too dramatic...and she looks wierd with edmund...he belongs with maria...i wonder how they're going to bring her back to life..
gh update: can't wait for jason to come back! can i say it enough??!! JASONJASONJASON...i am such a stalker.haha...all in good fun of course...hey, a girl can drool, can't she?!

but back to real life...this project should be ok, as long as i keep my distance...my main goal at work is to just work hard and hopefully i'll keep my job through the ipo...whether that'll happen or not, who knows...and i also have to save as much money as i can..so every little bit of saving helps a ton in the end...no more snacks at the vending machine all the time (except for that diet coke i just bought)...have to start bringing my lunch...and not dropping 5 bones here and there...the goal is to save, honey, ya heard?...S. A. V. E.

so this is what my horoscope says about me today:

Your Daily Horoscope for May 05, 2002
Dear Myra,
Things regarding love and romance may be climactic for you at this time, Myra, and you may find yourself bumping heads with someone in such a way that makes it difficult for either one of you to find contentment. More than likely, there is an issue of freedom versus control that is making it difficult for resolution to come. Perhaps you need to give a certain issue a break and come back to it at a later date.

why is it that knows what they're talking about? why is it that complete strangers know what's going on in my mind? freaky thought.

so last night we went to see the champions on ice show. man, it was awesome. i Love ice skating. and seeing michele kwan was so beautiful. she performed her 'fields of gold' routine. if you're an ice skating fan, you know it's the routine she performed at the exhibition show after the olympic competition....you know....where she started crying and crying because the song was just a reminder of what could have been. so sad. but the performance was beautiful. absolutely beautiful.

sarah hughes was ok. she is very graceful, but there's just something about michelle. michelle has more charisma, i think. charisma...that characteristic carries a lot. i find that i am so much more drawn ||just like everyone else in the world|| to people who possess this certain trait.

there were these 2 funny ass skaters - both guys - who dressed up as ballerinas and did these awesome tricks on the ice. some of those moves were in some gross positions for 2 guys to be in, but lemme tell you, they were funny as hell...and the smaller guy stood on the thicker guy's shoulders and then moved into a handstand position with his hand on the thicker guy's head! i don't know how the bottom guy could take all that weight on his head and neck...he must have massive neck muscles...amazing, i tell you.

we're goin for our 2nd showing of the 1st condo we saw...maybe we can make an offer today...who knows what's going to happen...i really hope everything works out. i don't feel like shopping for a condo. it takes a lot out of you. trying to decide and rationalize why you want to buy a 'home'. hell, i don't care, just get me out of my house and out on my own, please??!

ugh. i actually have to go into the office tomorrow. that'll be a change. have to remember to buy bread tonight, so i can bring my lunch to work tomorrow. can't spend a lotta money on food. i hope i like the people i'm working with. that's the biggest thing to worry about when starting new projects. if all goes well, there won't be any bitches...hahaha

oh yeah! forgot to mention. at jasmin's bday party yesterday, i was holding baby sabrina...april comes up to me and asks me to be sabrina's godmother! can you believe that??! if that's not saying i'm in with the family, then i don't know what is...but i really did feel honored. they are so sweet to ask me. yay for me!

what is it with soaps and their stupid sex scenes?? like anyone really moves that slowly...how annoying. and the couple isn't even that goodlooking...what a waste of a good 5 minutes. not that there are very many quality minutes in a soap opera. but i think the quality of actors and soaps is defo going down...1/2 the people on gh can't even act! what's the deal with wasting all of our time?

so i'm finally staffed for the next month. doing system testing...what's that you ask? well you got me...i know the concept of system testing...but i haven't even attempted doing it for about a year and a half...oh well...i guess that's what the job is all about...being thrown into a project where you have no clue what's going on...they said that in the job description, right? hmmm..i must have missed that line in the contract.

so back to the gh thing...the quality is going down, but hey, jason's coming back! woohoo! can't wait to see that fine thing again...he will defo make everyone else look blah..blahblahblah...

hmmm..so maybe i'm kinda boycrazy here...does it really matter? who cares...who the heck reads this thing anyways?!?

i can't believe it's already may...how the heck did 4 months pass by like nothing? nothing to really show for it? except some good surfing skills...anyone need help finding anything? i've been known as the human search engine to some of my friends...and when mp3s used to be legal, i could find any song you'd want...

ya heard of those pottery places where you can paint anything, and all you pay for is the piece of pottery you paint? i did that last wednesday. had to paint him a bday present. i know i'm all cheap about it, but hey, we're all on a budget now, and if 15 bones isn't good enough for a present, don't put me on this damn budget! (gh again - alan and monica just need to get a divorce and stay away from each other...divorce, married, divorce, married...decide already! and get on with your damn lives! SHEESH!) so back to the bday thing...he's not one for some big party, so you can imagine how hard it is to find him a decent bday present. at least that means future bdays will be cheaper for me than for him, right?

gh update: this whole sonny&alexis thing is just wierding me out..anyone else wierded out? they're good as friends, i'll givem that, but...something just a little freaky about their whole 'doing it' episode...blech...hard to watch... here are some of the real actors that used to make up gh in their golden days...see that hottie all the way on the right?..yeah, that's jason...mmmmm, yummy...

it feels like i just got out of a rw/rr marathon or something...just like the tv show, the websites suck you in and you end up reading about nothing for hours and hours..next thing you know, it's already 4PM. where did those 3 hours go? it's not like these people are meant to be teachers or anything big. they're just living their life. so why am i so preoccupied with all the nonsense?

i've realized that this desk job ain't for me. at least the non productive desk job that the past month and 1/2 have been. i mean i can surf forever and ever, but where will it get me? what will i have been working towards? what have i built? i've only succeeded in burying myself into something so deep that i can't claw my way out of it and then i begin to question everything all over again. it seems to be back. maybe it'll just pass again this time. maybe it has to do with the pill. too much estrogen. does it make that much of a difference? maybe...but i've been taking it for over a year, and it's never been this bad. maybe it's just a mix of the estrogen and the stagnant-ness of it all. by all, i mean EVERYTHING.

i've found my way back to writing again...pages and pages of writing in my book, all about nothing, all questions, with no particular answer. almost done with this one...can't wait to start the new one. it has these cute scraggled-edged pages, unlined pages of absolutely nothing. like a fresh start. like a new hair cut. like a new hair product. like a new car. like a new life? unlined means more freedom. either that or just a bunch of messily written pages. it will probably be the latter. || every time i use the word 'latter', i have to think to myself "latter and former...latter is the one closer to the word in the sentence....the last choice given.." mental check ||. i digress...

just when you think most everything is going bad in your life, you have that 1 friend you can count on who pulls you back to earth and puts everything in perspective. with the happy-go-lucky attitude that makes you wonder why everyone in the world can't have that outlook in life. our world would be so much brighter if we could all just think more positively. but that takes energy. i guess the world can't handle all that energy bursting from 10 billion people...

can't wait to see amc tonight. greenlee and leo are back together! horay! so much chemistry... that's what love should feel like...