clarity. i think, no i know, that that is what i'm looking for. and maybe i shouldn't rely on the hope that maybe one day i will just know for sure..either way..just know. so i can move on with my life.

is it just the talent to ignore the pessimistic part that makes her able to go on and be happy and smile at little things and think that she really is happy? will she regret this decision later on down the road when that pessimistic part has the possiblity of coming out? or will all of that fade and in the end, it won't matter? like that linkin park song....in the end it doesn't really matter.

ok, we just got reamed out by our team lead. 1 of many, i believe.

so to get back to the previous thinking...when will that decision finally be made? right now, if this thing is really going to happen. just go with it, and everything else will fall into place, right? hopefully. the main thing is: no regrets. just be happy with the decisions that are made now, and live with the consequences. so that's where it's at now. i started this 1st half yesterday, and finished it today. that's the decision, and it just has to be remembered.

so the big lala weekend starts tonight. i am very excited to have a little semi-reunion (minus 1) with the roomies. i wish we could all be together. but that will come in time. the taping of the other half should be tons o fun. i hope we get on and i hope girl says something. haha. then we can tell all our friends that we were on tv. can't wait to see some of my coworkers. haven't seen them in a while. should be a crazy weekend.

dawsons update: is it just me, or is the writing getting very choppy? the writing and the direction of it all? it seems to be losing it's drama-esque feel to it. i think i'm getting more and more disappointed in this 2nd half of the season. if anyone out there in internet land agrees with me, email me. there's a link on the left side of this page. i mean, it was nice that dawson and joey admitted they loved each other, but just the shifting of the scenes and the choppiness of the character's actions doesn't flow properly for me. they used to be verbose in their explanation of why all the characters did what they did. but now, it seems the writers want the viewers to just infer and assume. and you know what happens when you assume. it makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. it seems that the writers have forgotten what it is that makes the faithful dawson viewers keep coming back for more. they used to be known as the overly, wordy teenagers who overanalyzed almost every little thing. and now there seems to be any explanation for their actions...no rhyme or reason. and that does not make me want to come back for more next season....eh, but you know i will.

i guess in that last paragraph, i have become one of those overanalytical teenagers.

anyways...i really want to go the bbash this year. can you believe i haven't missed one of those since 1996? i think that was the 1st year i went. and this year's lineup is off the hook...so hopefully something will work out where i can get better seats than what's out there right now. but we'll see. maybe i can actually win tickets! haha, that would be funny.

anyways, i guess i should try to work now. my mind is just mush right now, since i'm hella tired. have a good weekend everyone! i'll let ya know how the weekend goes.