i think that i realized this weekend that when i'm actually in a moment that i've been anticipating for a while, i hardly ever feel the feelings that i thought i'd feel at that moment...instead, i'll feel those feelings weeks, months, and maybe years afterwards...know what i mean? like when you're in college, and you think that you'll be all sad at graduation time, because you're leaving your home of the last 4 years...you'll miss having your friends around 24/7 and being able to see tham any time you want, at all hours of the day and night...just chillin with people and doing anything at a minutes notice..that quasi-freedom you feel...but when i graduated 2 years ago (yes, it boggles my mind that it was 2 years ago), i was so ready to leave college. to move on to the next phase in my life. to finally be done with college. hardly any tears were shed. there was just excitement to actually go out into the real world. and i knew i would keep in touch with my real friends anyways. but this weekend...i was like re-living saying goodbye to college. maybe it was the fact that i really was saying goodbye and would probably not be back down there for a long time - maybe that's why it was so sad. i hardly have a connection to any people left down there. so in a sense, i was saying goodbye to college again...and sitting through another cba graduation made me think of the hopes that people have as they graduate. and hearing all the cheering families as their sons/daughters walked across the stage made me proud of them too. because in retrospect, college really is a big accomplishment. at the time, it's easy to forget how big an accomplishment it is...but when you look back on it, it changes your life forever. and when you leave college, you're a fresh face to the real world. and it will probably only take 1 or 2 years for you to become as cynical as i know life to be now. but you just have to keep remembering that you can really do anything. anything in the world. as long as you work hard, and don't let your mind lose track of what you want in life. and hopefully what you want, doesn't hurt anyone else...and maybe if you're lucky, when you leave college, you already know what your passion in life is.

...phew!...now that i got that out of my system...yes, it really was sad knowing that i won't be in that apt again...end of an era, really...and i really do miss those college days...it's probably because, i still see myself as a college student...man, how time flies.

saw spiderman tonight. i think that if tobey and kirsten were not playing their parts, i wouldn't have liked the movie. there's something so charismatic about tobey. such a cute nerd. very cute. and kirsten was actually pretty. the special effects were pretty dope...and i'm assuming by the ending that they're going to have a spiderman 2? haven't read anything about it yet, though. but i did enjoy the movie a lot. a lot. a lot.

so i think this week starts the hell month. hopefully it won't be longer. wish me luck...