it feels like i just got out of a rw/rr marathon or something...just like the tv show, the websites suck you in and you end up reading about nothing for hours and hours..next thing you know, it's already 4PM. where did those 3 hours go? it's not like these people are meant to be teachers or anything big. they're just living their life. so why am i so preoccupied with all the nonsense?

i've realized that this desk job ain't for me. at least the non productive desk job that the past month and 1/2 have been. i mean i can surf forever and ever, but where will it get me? what will i have been working towards? what have i built? i've only succeeded in burying myself into something so deep that i can't claw my way out of it and then i begin to question everything all over again. it seems to be back. maybe it'll just pass again this time. maybe it has to do with the pill. too much estrogen. does it make that much of a difference? maybe...but i've been taking it for over a year, and it's never been this bad. maybe it's just a mix of the estrogen and the stagnant-ness of it all. by all, i mean EVERYTHING.

i've found my way back to writing again...pages and pages of writing in my book, all about nothing, all questions, with no particular answer. almost done with this one...can't wait to start the new one. it has these cute scraggled-edged pages, unlined pages of absolutely nothing. like a fresh start. like a new hair cut. like a new hair product. like a new car. like a new life? unlined means more freedom. either that or just a bunch of messily written pages. it will probably be the latter. || every time i use the word 'latter', i have to think to myself "latter and former...latter is the one closer to the word in the sentence....the last choice given.." mental check ||. i digress...

just when you think most everything is going bad in your life, you have that 1 friend you can count on who pulls you back to earth and puts everything in perspective. with the happy-go-lucky attitude that makes you wonder why everyone in the world can't have that outlook in life. our world would be so much brighter if we could all just think more positively. but that takes energy. i guess the world can't handle all that energy bursting from 10 billion people...

can't wait to see amc tonight. greenlee and leo are back together! horay! so much chemistry... that's what love should feel like...