.the.grass.is.always.greener...

i don't understand why i'm so homesick lately. i've been waiting for this time in my life to come, and now all i want to do is go back home all the time. this condo is great and so nice. and i can't believe i can afford it (with a of course), but it's not home yet. i'm used to being squished in my cramped room. used to sharing a bathroom with someone much messier than me. always waiting for my family to come home. it's so odd that i actually miss them. i've spent most of my life just wanting to get away and have my freedom and now that it's here...i don't know what to do with it. i have to force myself to not go home as much. that just makes me miss it more. i want to just to stay home, instead of spending all that time driving back to the city and to this condo. i do like it though. our furniture looks nice so far. i have to work at not cluttering it up.

i haven't even starting raving about nyc. i absolutely love that city. so much fun. another city that never ever sleeps. and the icing on the cake? mtv studios! woohoo! the videos that me and mari took in front of the studios was so much fun. they just make me laugh and laugh. haha.

work is so hard right now. i really don't know what's going on. and i'm having such a hard time picking it up. just have to keep working at it. i have a feeling everyone just thinks i'm a slacker. that i don't even want to try. but i know myself. when i'm not given sufficient training or time to learn stuff, i have no desire to learn it. and right now, i have no desire to learn any of this bowstreet/java stuff. i don't get what modules are. or what builders are. but i'm trying hard as hell to get on a different project. i just need a little bit of help from the higherups in this company.

oh yeah, all the knockoffs in nyc were absolutely fab. FABULOUS. i can't say enough about it. why doesn't chicago's chinatown have vendors like that? we would go absolutely insane. insane, i say. me and mari would be there at least once a month, buying the latest styles by the best designers. kate fake spade. my fav.

the weather in chi-town has been awesome. so beautiful. i won't see that for a while. oh, and i need to start working out religiously again. that 5K is less than 2 weeks away. i'm toast.

.water.cooler.work.talk.

ok. the fact that i am one of the only girls on my project was amplified today with some seemingly harmless talk about urinal etiquette. being curious, i started to listen. stop. big mistake. apparantly there's this thing called the midget urinal in the boys bathroom. and it's not proper etiquette to take the one 2 urinals away from the midget one, since then, the next person who goes in has to take the midget one, since of course you can't take the urinal immediately next to the one another person is using. this is proper urinal etiquette. any of that make sense? anyways, just to let you know, if you're the first boy to go into a bathroom, choose a urinal on the end. anyone else who comes in then has a choice of where they want to let loose.

i gotta get outta here....have to stop by homemakers and see which bed i want....they're delivering our couches on tuesday night! woohoo! and the chaise will be delivered on saturday, the 28th..phew! how awesome is that??

.has.it.really.been.a.week.?

wow, it has been a long time since i've written here. i guess i've been too busy procrastinating in doing my own work, that i haven't really been accomplishing anything at all.

watching my dad react with such satisfaction at catching these little critters is a riot. he just chuckles with such enjoyment and satisfaction, it's almost evil. but these little beasts are the ones who are invading OUR territory. so catching 2 within 24 hours is very satisfying. i can't wait to move out so i don't have to deal with this anymore. hopefully the condo doesn't have any critter problems.

i missed RR last night. anyone know what happened? what was the mission about anyways?

i'm in training all morning. training in what you may ask? that, i'm not quite clear on, but hopefully i'll be better informed by noon today.

.coincidence?.

in light of the events one year ago yesterday, figure these two out:

1st
and
2nd


and i'm sure god was with us in other little ways too. but they're probably not all on cnn.com.

i hope everyone is feeling a little bit better today.

.september.11.2002




silence.

.pure.beauty.

i forgot to mention - did anyone catch the making the video episode of justin's new single? oh my gosh. unbelieveable. have you ever seen anything so beautiful? so pure? such smooth moves? that is just pure beauty. he is like a different form of life from the Planet Heaven. i'd like to visit that one day.

phew. that is all i have to say. and yes, he does deserve his own blogger entry.

.sorority.life

the show is finally over. thank god for that. now my monday nights are partly free. although road rules will still be on, so i might still have to tape that. or at least check out when the reruns will be on...anyways, i think the directors of the show told mara not to make it seem like she wasn't going to join....it's all about the dramatic effect, ya know? the show wouldn't have been that great if we already knew from the beginning that she wasn't going to join. they probably just wanted to throw something in...props to the producers.

road rules. you rule. darrell - you da bomb. if i had to touch a scorpion, i'm sure i woulda shit a brick. or fainted. or died from a scorpion bite. who knows. but mad props to you, man...

now on to the real world - real world las vegas? i don't know bout all a you. especially that brynn girl. just a bundle of insecurities. that'll be annoying as hell to watch. i don't know if i will....and that girl arissa, she seems annoying too. maybe they just decided to get an annoying cast this time around. but that's just me...talkin trash...

tomorrow is the first anniversary. i was watching the today show this morning and they had 3 wifes of men who died that day. 2 of them got last phone calls. and the 3rd woman didn't. probably because her husband couldn't do anything about it. they all have children under the age of 3. so sad. so sad how much can change in 1 day. 1 year ago today, we were mostly carefree. and now it's all over. this is the new normal.

.unhappy.

i am so unhappy here. i can barely stand it.

.a little later.

sometimes i just get so annoyed. really annoyed. and i end up being so mean, and bitchy. and i just can't help it. i just am. what's wrong with me? but then there are those times when it's the little things that really make you remember why you're with them in the first place. we really are each other's best friends. we call each other when we want the other to see something stupid on tv. who else would want to know that kind of stuff? and the best part? we make each other laugh when we're both so angry with each other. at least i seem to laugh whenever i'm so annoyed. and that's annoying. is that why we're still together? probably. we're so different in so many ways. and i don't want to lose something that is perfect for me, and realize that only after ruining it. sometimes we all just need to chill out.

.written on 09.08.02

the concert on friday night just reminded me how old i’m getting. we were seriously surrounded by people so young that I actually remember something that happened to me the year they were born. How weird is that? And they weren’t selling alcohol at the rosemont theatre that night. So that didn’t help. But can I just say one thing about that night. bbmak was HOT AS HELL. christian was such a cutie. And his singing makes him as hot as justin. But anyways, enough of this oogling. It’s not just because of their looks; the fact that they are an actual band and write and sing their own music makes them irresistable….okokok, and they’re hot.

so what is my whole deal with being attracted to musicians? i just need to get over it. i have like this inherent need to want to get to know famous people. it’s the whole fame thing. if i were ever to become famous, i would probably let it get to my head. or maybe i just really admire people who have talent. if anything, i think I am more apt to getting to know talented people, not just average every day people. When I’m surrounded by people who have some kind of talent, I feel so much more alive. maybe I can get a part time/weekend job at a theatre or something. start out small…we’ll see…

arch’s family party on saturday wasn’t too bad. it was jordan’s 3rd birthday. good times catching up with the other family. the kids were so damn cute. and they’re getting so old now. gabrielle understands so much now and she looks like such a happy girl now, not like the quiet, silent girl she used to be…I started thinking about when we’ll have kids, and our kids are gonna be so much younger than the kids now. will they be lonely? Will they always be picked on? I’m afraid. I think they will be picked on by the other kids, especially because archie made the other kids cry when they were younger. Great. We’re doomed.

i've realized that i am becoming my parents. i am not good with children, like my mom. well, i take that back, she's good with babies, but when they grow up and are able to have conversations with them, she's just not good with them. that's when she starts to tune them out. and what happens when you do that to your own children? you get me. and the whole cycle happens all over again. well, thank god arch is good with kids. real good. and even though he makes them cry sometimes, and teases them ceaslessly, he still is able to turn it around and make the kid like him all over again.

We starte buying furniture today. Huge couch purchase…I got so scared when I walked out of the store. What if we made the wrong decision? What if we don’t like the color later on? I don’t know. It’s all a gamble. I do like the couch though. It is very comfortable. I just need to go shopping in the city by Wednesday. And if I find something, we have to cancel that order quick. I just hope we made the right decision.

I just love the cosby show. I think I just love it because it reminds me of the 80s and of times when life was so much easier. And it’s also classic comedy. Classic. Hardly any show can beat it. there are some shows that do fall into the same category – growing pains, family ties, who’s the boss?, three’s company, etc. I love those shows that you can watch over and over again. So much so, that you can recite the lines by heart, even though it’s been years since you’ve seen the last rerun.

I know I had more thoughts to write about, but I can’t think what they were now. that’s bout it.

.unfair i tell you. just unfair.

like i said yesterday, this kelly clarkson girl is the talk of the country. i feel that it's dying down a bit now, but let me just tell you about last night. i was minding my own business in my room, just got home from working out (ran 2 miles today...i hate running..but i'll save that story for later on...), went up to my room to change and relax before watching my soaps (amc and gh are so good right now)...so i turn on my tv and who do i see on leno? jimmy fallon. so i'm watching and realize, "wow, this guy is quirky...is he on something?". i discussed it with arch today and he said that that's how he is...that his tv personality and his real personality are very different. but he's still funny as hell and he's still #2 on my list. but then what happens? that's right miss american idol herself comes out and is the next leno guest....now, i generally would have been happy to see her...but then i realize how lucky she is...not because she's the american idol, but because she's sitting next to jimmy fallon, joking and bantering along like some superstar! so i can't tell you how much i envy her. she got to jetset to the other coast last night, since she was on the today show this morning. sure it's tiring and all, but she gets to be buddy-buddy with katie couric! how sweet is that?? ok, i admit, i really am just jealous of the whole jimmy fallon thing. but whatever. we don't usually get what we want in life anyways, do we?

so i began the big training yesterday. this 5K will seriously be like a marathon in my running terms. seriously. i realized last night that my running will equal some people's walking speeds. just like my rollerblading speeds equals arch's jogging speeds. i mean, i'm happy to be doing this, and it'll be even better because it is a real challenge for me to be running this length. i'm not saying that i won't take any walking breaks. but i'll try to take as few as i can.

i'm in this mini-dilemna right now. some of my co-workers are asking me if i want to catch O while we're out in vegas. i really want to...but it's pretty expensive. and god knows i can't afford much right now.

ok, mari's here now and we gotta go to the concert....I LOVE BBMAK! WOOHOO!

have a great weekend everyone!

.american.idol.

the talk of the country today is kelly clarkson. she won it all last night, and god bless her little heart. she has a beautiful voice. and it was very touching how she was barely able to squeak out the last song after she won. good entertainment for the public during the usual summer drought in tvland.

the funniest journal i've ever read online is at melissa yes, darlings, we have the same beginning in our urls, and i am an regular reader of her site. after reading her 08/31 entry, can you blame me? that girl is funny as hell. and she's right on with her observations of the nsync boys. and yes, i will admit that i am in love with justin. there are only 2 guys in the world who i would leave a for - justin timberlake and jimmy fallon. how could you not be in love with jimmy fallon?? the boy is just too funny. he's cute to begin with and his humor makes him irresistible. and justin - well, he's just hot...and his singing makes him hot has hell! who can resist that bootylicious boy? if you can, you better .holla. (marcie, you better not holla.)

have mentioned lately how work sucks ass? how my pm probably won't roll me off early to get on a better project? how she has it in for all of us and wants to make us suffer along with her? have i mentioned that this project wouldn't suck ass if she were just a better manager? if she knew how to communicate? and not out-right lie to people? have i told you how she just sucks?

bbmak tomorrow night! woohoo! you ready, mari??!

.finally...


really quick...major shout-out to my favorite couple in the world

MARCEL AND ANNIE

on their engagement this weekend! WOOHOO!


i'll write more later....busy at work....