.back.to.the frivolous.

i got a call a few days ago from a casting company. they wanted me to be an extra in a 3 days shoot. i couldn't do it because i'm the godmother in my cousins' daughter's christening on the 3rd day, and the shoot started in the afternoon until early the next morning. i also had to be there for all 3 days on time, etc, and because of the christening, i couldn't commit to the times. totally sucks. this scene is supposed to a major formal/party scene, so i would have had to dress up in a nice dress. i love dressing up! so i'm so sad that i couldn't do it. cross your fingers that they call me back for another scene. for once i want to be an extra!

my nephew was born early wednesday morning. woohoo! also it's my mom's bday saturday, so we're going over to my brother's house sunday night to celebrate. i finally get to spoil a baby who is actually a blood relative! how exciting. other than that, hopefully i can clear out the junk in my closet and clean up some stuff around here for once. it's that dreaded spring cleaning that needs to get done. it's like i like cleaning that stuff up, but it's such a huge task that i don't even want to start it and only get it done 1/2 way.

this place needs a major cleaning. such a mess. blech.

it's all gus' fault. tsk tsk tsk...:D

.on.death.

a friend's, j, husband passed away late sunday night. it was sudden, a tragic car accident, where the people in the other car ran off afterwards on foot. i attended the wake on wednesday and the funeral yesterday. j and i weren't that close, but we got to know each other last year while taking a bootcamp class. she was getting ready for her wedding. i remember us talking often about her plans, her fiance, their lives. that was just a year ago. they didn't even get the chance to celebrate their 1st anniversary. i can't think of anything that i personally know of, that was as unfair as this. even though we weren't that close, this is affecting me more than i expected.


all thru the wake and funeral, i kept thinking in my head 'how did she get here? what happened? how did this happen? how is this fair? to be a widow in her 20s...why does she have to deal with this...' they were 2 peas in a pod. got along so well. makes me feel guilty for arguing with a so much about petty things, and we're still here. still living together, and able to enjoy each other's company/companionship. but that's how life works. i feel guilty, but then i don't. this is the hand we're dealt, and now we just have to make the most out of it.


my heart breaks every time i think of her. they had plans, i'm sure. for this weekend. for the summer. for the rest of this year. now what is she supposed to do? she has to clean out their closet. maybe take out his clothes; or maybe leave them there. take care of their dog alone. walk along the lake, alone. maybe i'm making too much out of this. i'm sure she won't be alone. they had tons of friends. but i guess by 'alone', i mean, she won't have her soulmate living/walking with her; although his spirit will always be with her, i'm sure.


sorry for being so depressing. but i keep thinking these things in my head, and had to get them out somewhere.