.on.death.

a friend's, j, husband passed away late sunday night. it was sudden, a tragic car accident, where the people in the other car ran off afterwards on foot. i attended the wake on wednesday and the funeral yesterday. j and i weren't that close, but we got to know each other last year while taking a bootcamp class. she was getting ready for her wedding. i remember us talking often about her plans, her fiance, their lives. that was just a year ago. they didn't even get the chance to celebrate their 1st anniversary. i can't think of anything that i personally know of, that was as unfair as this. even though we weren't that close, this is affecting me more than i expected.


all thru the wake and funeral, i kept thinking in my head 'how did she get here? what happened? how did this happen? how is this fair? to be a widow in her 20s...why does she have to deal with this...' they were 2 peas in a pod. got along so well. makes me feel guilty for arguing with a so much about petty things, and we're still here. still living together, and able to enjoy each other's company/companionship. but that's how life works. i feel guilty, but then i don't. this is the hand we're dealt, and now we just have to make the most out of it.


my heart breaks every time i think of her. they had plans, i'm sure. for this weekend. for the summer. for the rest of this year. now what is she supposed to do? she has to clean out their closet. maybe take out his clothes; or maybe leave them there. take care of their dog alone. walk along the lake, alone. maybe i'm making too much out of this. i'm sure she won't be alone. they had tons of friends. but i guess by 'alone', i mean, she won't have her soulmate living/walking with her; although his spirit will always be with her, i'm sure.


sorry for being so depressing. but i keep thinking these things in my head, and had to get them out somewhere.