.blind.surfing.

i find myself doing that a lot lately. just out of pure boredom. i try not to admit that too much, because admitting you're bored means you're a boring person. doesn't it? i mean, i am trying to keep myself occupied with "The Nanny Diaries" and all, but i'm still bored. it's because i have nothing to really work for in my life right now. and it's my fault. i keep telling myself that i need to work for something. but sometimes it's like i don't have a big enough attention span to figure out what i need to do with myself. i get so interested in other people's lives, i don't pay enough attention to my own. that needs to change.

so tomorrow, i will figure out what training i want to do. i will do more than read other people's websites to see what their mind is thinking. i will accomplish something more than buying those cute carpenter pants from the sale section at j.crew. (btw, just got those in the mail, and they fit perfectly..FINALLY a petite size that fits over my like-j.lo bootie) i will, i will, i must. otherwise, i fear that my life will forever be stagnant. like i'm just blending in with the background of other consultants who have yet to decide what they want to do with their life.

i want to do something that inspires me. that makes me grow up. ok, well, i will give myself props for trying to continually experiment and learn how to frickin cook. what a travesty. that is one of the only advantages of growing up in the motherland. maybe i would have learned how to sew, cook, and express myself with that tagalog. i am almost straight up a disgrace. and yes, i did just say that. i'll admit it. to admit it, means you can move on and work on it, right? so that's what i'm doing. i am no perfect person. but howmany people do you know who can freely admit that? whatever. enough with this self-improvement writing...so does that confirm my SAS-ness? (SAS = short attention span).

i made this chicken with oyster sauce today. reminded me of the good ol days of my dad's cookin. of course, my dish was not as good as his, but hey, i tried. and yes, i did add too much salt and oyster sauce at first, but i corrected myself. its all good. just a little water up in here, cook it a little longer so the water evaporates, and it's better than before. can't let myself, or anyone else who eats my cooking, get a side of high blood pressure with that chicken. next time i'll only use 4 spoonfuls of oyster sauce and not so much salt...

ok, so i'm goin to bed. maybe i can wake up early and start doing something for myself on the work front.